Give,Get,Take, And Have

Shitty Chewbacca

The heart wants what it wants and sometimes the heart wants what the pocketbook cannot brook.
The The Poor Man's Chewbacca Costume is a triumph of adversity (not over it) that I wish was in the original movie.

NJ And Frogs And Snakes- Perfect Together

N.J. highway to get snake and frog tunnels[earthtimes.org]
"Four other threatened or endangered species of reptiles and amphibians found in the Pine Barrens also will be encouraged to use the tunnels....

Kudos to The New Jersey Turnpike Authority Garden State Parkway Widening Plan's inclusion of tunnels to allow timber rattlesnakes and endangered frogs to pass safely under traffic, but I'd hate to be the dude assigned to the PR campaign to encourage the rattlers to use the tunnels......

"Ok ....show of rattles.. how many of you guys need to cross the highway on a regular basis, you know, for uh, shopping? maybe? .....I don't know what goes on in a day for you .. and uh, [Bite Bite venom fangs Bite] Aaaaaugh!"

HOBOKEN IS REALLY SICK

Woah, everybody in Hoboken is under the weather, according to Who Is Sick?,a Google Map™ derived database of who's feelin' poorly in your town.
Great for calling in sick.
" I'm not coming in today-and I have emperical data to back it up....."
UPDATE: I think I know the cause of it all....

If my dog had a face like Christ's I'd shave his... oh never mind..or: Jesus is the more than the dog's bollocks

""It's hard to understand the meaning of this appearance, but one thing is for sure, that dog's bum looks incredibly like Jesus." - annonymous punter's comment on seeing a vision of our lord and savior in/on/around this three year old terrier mixes' ass
I mean,why should pancakes and tortillas have all the fun?
As an impartial atheist, I can honestly tell you- that there is an uncanny resemblance to the Lord Of Hosts in the region of this terrier's filthy bunghole.
One finds God in the most unusual of places. If he is indeed everywhere, YWHE is bound to wind up on a puppy botty sooner or later.
Further lashings of humor are heaped on with the polite refusal of those serious minded pilgrims who want to bask in the heavenly glory of this puppy's pereneum.
The closest thing to this I have witnessed is a chicken who had a taint that looked a little like Joseph of Aramathea, but only under stroboscopic conditions.
Oh, and I'm lying. Tah.

Grocery List Reflects Grim Cat/Cat Owner Suicide Pact

Tiddles had shat in my shoes for the last time.
We both needed some "liquid courage" to steel our resolve to the macabre task at hand..
I decided to let him have one last chow down and a good crap before death welcomed us into it's sweet embrace... and then the Draino.
Dear, sweet Draino.
How I shall miss it.
Goodby everybody!
Provenance: Household Cleaners Aisle, Campbell Ave Albertson's, Tucson, AZ . Friday, the thirteenth of October, Anno Domini, 2006

Oh, and they're having a sale on house brand butter-3 for $5.00!

WORLD'S UNLUCKIEST GUY GETS DENVER POST "TRIBUTE" OBITUARY

He spent life picking himself up
Thomas L. Cook, who died at 54 when he was fatally hit by a car Sept. 11, spent much of his life recovering from the misadventures that plagued him even in the womb........"

Print out this article and keep it in your wallet to look at whenever you're feeling sorry for yourself.
The physical ordeals this guy went through to make it to 54 only to die in a car crash on September 11th, stagger the imagination.

"He was kinda accident-prone, I swear to God, even before he was born," said his sister, Mady Eitani.

"He was nearly miscarried. He had serious accidents as a child. Crazy things. Broke his collarbone. He was hit in the head one time by a teeter-totter and had to have blood drained out of his skull. Wrong place, wrong time. Story of his life."
From birth to worse, womb to tomb-the poor dude couldn't catch a break.

You can't even chalk it up the the indominatable will of the human spirit, or compare it to a Samuel Becket play; it's just dumb dumb luck .

The Fire This Time-With Nuts

If you ever find yourself "liberating" small Italian towns shortly after WWII ends and then need to start a fire,  Tracker Trail  tells you how to do it with a Coke Can and a chocolate bar. Billed as a survivalist tactic, the example uses a Toblerone bar and one of those weird new coke cans. Great for the next time you you get indifferent service at a Korean Deli.

It's A Bit Difficult To Access Google Maps When Your Bladder is Pressing Up Against Your Other Organs....

But Urinal.Net's Interactive Urinal Map makes a, uh, go of it. In this context, "interactive" may seem a poor choice of words, and the main sites urinal picture gallery seems like a poor choice, period. I know what they look like-just tell me where they are.

THESE LEGAL NAME CHANGES ARE , TO SAY THE LEAST, ILL CONSIDERED OR MY NAME ISN'T ALISTAIR Q . SPOTTYBOTTOM....

Bum Names For Brit Men [Sky News Online]
Oh those British chaps and their untiring search for a larf-
£50 and a game deed poll office attendant are all it takes for a drunken yob to legally change his name to something ridiculous.
Name changers report  an increase in pulling accumen, especially Jellyfish McSaveloy. What this means for the state of British womanhood is not known at this time- (Outlook;dubious)

Factory worker Shaun Hennessey, from Essex, chose Nigel Bottomface.
Steve Lane, from Nottingham, changed his name to Jellyfish McSaveloy.
 Mancunian Nigel Doyle  is now AKA Toasted T Cake
 Tim Swain from Herts  can choose from Tim Mind Your Own Business And/or  Kiss My Arsenal Swain as the mood strikes him.
Others are Ariel Sparks, formerly Andrew Biddulp, from London, and Jason B'Stard, formerly Jason Davies of Wales.

OH MY GOD, SHE'S WEARING THE SAME SUICIDE PREVENTION DRESS!

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